My family is going through something incredibly painful, one of those unbelievably tragic sets of circumstances that you never think is going to happen to you or someone close to you, and for most people usually doesn't. And I'm finding that in spite of my best intentions, in spite of the inspiration I've had lately to start this blog and project peace to the masses, during the last few days I'm having a really hard time walking the talk.
Flipping my brights over and over and over at the minivan who was going way too fast in the right lane while I was trying to merge the other night? Not exactly choosing peace. His monolithic response was visible out the driver's side window as he exited. He was driving like a jerk for sure, but did I need to contribute to whatever might have been behind his aggressive behavior? For all I know he was already having a bad day and I really pissed him off, and then he was even ruder to the next person he interacted with, and so on.
I've also been less patient with my children than I strive to be. I have 11-month-old twins who are fabulously and maddeningly precocious, and the circumstances of what my family is going through are such that I am literally overwhelmed with both gratitude and heartbreak as I care for two beautiful, healthy children. I've been snappy with my partner too, and just more negative in general.
None of this feels good. It certainly doesn't feel the way I feel when I meet a challenge with compassion instead of frustration, and it doesn't even feel like relief. It feels like scratching at the surface of something I can never actually get to. I know I have good reason to not be at my absolute best right now, but it's like I'm watching this old part of myself act out these old responses to things that don't even really matter. And there's the irony - the lesson here should be that NONE of the things I so easily used to/still sometimes do get my knickers in a twist about are actually worth being upset about. At all. Period.
As I've felt myself slipping from my focus of radical, relentless compassion, I've been struck by how profoundly the events of our respective lives are connected to the whole of our collective experience. One day I'm feeling like Buddha on the freakin' mountaintop, the next I'm drowning in sorrow. So do I let this dictate how I behave and treat others? I can choose to let my suffering inflict even more suffering in the world by lashing out and contributing to a negative cycle of interactions, or I can let the depth of my grief be a teacher, a reminder of the human suffering that others I encounter might be carrying as well.
That guy shouldn't have been driving so fast. He should have seen me and at the very least, changed lanes to avoid me since the entire highway was wide open. And he deserves to be compassionately scolded about that, and maybe gifted a nice fat ticket. But what I did didn't help the situation in the least, and in fact it might have made the world a little grumpier. My children seem to have forgiven me for my impatience, and I don't expect myself to be a perfect parent, but every interaction with a child is an opportunity to teach them something. Small hurts add up to big ones, and inconsistency from a primary caregiver breeds a lack of trust and a compromised sense of safety in a small child. The eventual effect of that on world peace cannot be overestimated.
Fittingly, I read this from the Dalai Lama today:
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Begin.
So this is my first blog post ever. I got the idea to start Peace in Seattle while grieving the recent killings at Cafe Racer and the massive amount of violence we have experienced in Seattle so far this year, and trying to think of, however cliche it may be, what I could do to make the situation better.
I'm a rare native of this city - technically I grew up in Lynnwood, but I'm grateful to have pretty cool parents who brought us to the city a lot (I went to Bumbershoot when it cost a dollar!), and I've called Seattle home since 1999. People used to say Seattle was a really friendly place. If you talk to folks now, most will reference the "Seattle Freeze" - the notable lack of warmth that people who visit or move here from other places experience from most residents. Now, I think that most individuals around here are actually quite lovely once you talk to them a bit, but I agree that as a community we have a collective chip on our shoulder. The bulk of us are over-caffeinated, vitamin D deprived, late because we're stuck in traffic, and still way too affected by our 15 minutes of fame back in the early 90s. Add to that these hard economic times along with ever-increasing costs of living and it's no wonder we breathe depression like oxygen around here.
Over the past 10 or so years, I've noticed a change in myself as well. I'd become depressed and cynical and pissed off. I was having a lot of personal problems, and Seattle was up there on my list of grievences - the weather, the traffic, the cost of living, the endless loop of poor civic leadership and decision-making, and the rude, too-cool-for-school people. I wanted out of this dreary place, but it was my home and I was never quite able to cut the cord.
Fast forward through a whole bunch of choices and losses and all of that sort of Saturn-return-related business and eight years of therapy and becoming a mother, and lately I have found myself hungry for a different way of experiencing my life and the world around me. I've grown tired of my depressive outlook and want to set a better example for my children. With this in mind, after years of talking about it I finally recently started a daily spiritual practice. I don't know what it is - meditation, prayer, contemplation... it's different things on different days, but the intention is always the same - to calm my mind and heal the parts of me that have gotten so bitter and hard. I have noticed a significant change in my mood and my ability to manage stress and anger since I have been doing this, and it's been a powerful experience.
In spite of my issues with Seattle listed above, all this violence has caused a swell of 206 pride I didn't even know was there, and I have been feeling fiercely loyal and protective of this city and compelled to do something. After the shootings last week, my friend Ed suggested that we try to spread the word for people to meditate together for peace in Seattle. Then I remembered hearing about some research study that had been done measuring the effect of meditation on violent crime in Washington, D.C. (http://www.istpp.org/crime_prevention/). Apparently, there's reason to think this just might work. So I thought, what if a whole bunch of us got together and just decided to practice peace, in whatever way we can? Be it meditation, letting someone in ahead of you in traffic, being kind to the less-than-stellar customer service person... what if we could actually affect change by simply striving to embody peace and compassion in our every action?
The Dalai Lama said, "World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not the absence of violence. Peace is the manifestation of human compassion." There's a lot of suffering in the world. There's a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding. We could all use a little more support, and we could all be more kind to each other. Every day, we are each presented with opportunities to choose peace through our actions. Peace is something we can and must create.
I'll be posting here about my own experiences with this idea, and I welcome your contributions to the discussion. If you like this project, please follow us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/PeaceInSeattle. I'm hoping that together we can find ways for all of us to participate in creating peace in our community and world, every day. I think it's worth trying.
cheers,
Amy
I'm a rare native of this city - technically I grew up in Lynnwood, but I'm grateful to have pretty cool parents who brought us to the city a lot (I went to Bumbershoot when it cost a dollar!), and I've called Seattle home since 1999. People used to say Seattle was a really friendly place. If you talk to folks now, most will reference the "Seattle Freeze" - the notable lack of warmth that people who visit or move here from other places experience from most residents. Now, I think that most individuals around here are actually quite lovely once you talk to them a bit, but I agree that as a community we have a collective chip on our shoulder. The bulk of us are over-caffeinated, vitamin D deprived, late because we're stuck in traffic, and still way too affected by our 15 minutes of fame back in the early 90s. Add to that these hard economic times along with ever-increasing costs of living and it's no wonder we breathe depression like oxygen around here.
Over the past 10 or so years, I've noticed a change in myself as well. I'd become depressed and cynical and pissed off. I was having a lot of personal problems, and Seattle was up there on my list of grievences - the weather, the traffic, the cost of living, the endless loop of poor civic leadership and decision-making, and the rude, too-cool-for-school people. I wanted out of this dreary place, but it was my home and I was never quite able to cut the cord.
Fast forward through a whole bunch of choices and losses and all of that sort of Saturn-return-related business and eight years of therapy and becoming a mother, and lately I have found myself hungry for a different way of experiencing my life and the world around me. I've grown tired of my depressive outlook and want to set a better example for my children. With this in mind, after years of talking about it I finally recently started a daily spiritual practice. I don't know what it is - meditation, prayer, contemplation... it's different things on different days, but the intention is always the same - to calm my mind and heal the parts of me that have gotten so bitter and hard. I have noticed a significant change in my mood and my ability to manage stress and anger since I have been doing this, and it's been a powerful experience.
In spite of my issues with Seattle listed above, all this violence has caused a swell of 206 pride I didn't even know was there, and I have been feeling fiercely loyal and protective of this city and compelled to do something. After the shootings last week, my friend Ed suggested that we try to spread the word for people to meditate together for peace in Seattle. Then I remembered hearing about some research study that had been done measuring the effect of meditation on violent crime in Washington, D.C. (http://www.istpp.org/crime_prevention/). Apparently, there's reason to think this just might work. So I thought, what if a whole bunch of us got together and just decided to practice peace, in whatever way we can? Be it meditation, letting someone in ahead of you in traffic, being kind to the less-than-stellar customer service person... what if we could actually affect change by simply striving to embody peace and compassion in our every action?
The Dalai Lama said, "World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not the absence of violence. Peace is the manifestation of human compassion." There's a lot of suffering in the world. There's a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding. We could all use a little more support, and we could all be more kind to each other. Every day, we are each presented with opportunities to choose peace through our actions. Peace is something we can and must create.
I'll be posting here about my own experiences with this idea, and I welcome your contributions to the discussion. If you like this project, please follow us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/PeaceInSeattle. I'm hoping that together we can find ways for all of us to participate in creating peace in our community and world, every day. I think it's worth trying.
cheers,
Amy
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